I was just not prepared for any of this. I felt so safe from all the promises that you made to me. The promises that we made together. That secure feeling is just thrown away like it was nothing. I still think that we could’ve have gotten through this while still being together. It didn’t have to be like this. Now I’m stuck with the same feeling that felt I over 2 years ago.
I feel so scared. What’s going to happen in the future? I can’t see myself with anyone else, nor do I want to be. And what happens if you find someone else…. I don’t want to go through that pain again. I’ve experienced it too much in the past, and it destroyed me. I woke up the day before, thankful that I have everyting that I could posible dream of. Today, I woke up feeling so alone now that I don’t have anyone to hold and kiss anymore. I woke up in the nightmare thats been haunting me countless nights. Sure I’ve got friends, whoevers left anyway. But at this point I seek comfort from love and affection from you, my one true love. It just makes me so angry at myself. I keep telling myself it’s all my fault. That if I would’ve done something differently, we would still be together…
There’s just so much things that I have to get off my mind right now, but I’ll just say that I’m glad you’re happy. And thats really all I’ve ever wanted for you. And when you’re ready again, just know that I’ll be here patiently waiting. Its what I do best after all.
Lately I’ve been slowly losing my self confidence. Is it selfish of me to yearn for a tiniest bit of affection from you every now and then? It’s so easy for someone like me who has absolutely no features that catches someones eye to say to himself, “she wants more than what I have to offer, Im a nobody.” maybe I’m just second guessing myself. I just can’t bear the thought of losing you to someone else. I even have nightmares every once in a while, and i wake up with my heart pounding and no one to talk to. Call me whatever you want, but Im just the kind of person that needs reassurance every once in a while. Is that… Wrong? because if it is, then please show me the right way to approach this pain that’s growing like poison in the back of my mind.
I love you with all my heart, I really do believe you’re the one for me. Ive never been so sure of anything else. It’s just little things like this that force me to believe that all that might end. And you have no idea how afraid I am of that happening to me.